Thinking & Talking
by Joanne W
Summary: When you have to face the consequences of your actions. (Sequel to WickedRaygun's 'Disbelief').
1. Thinking

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Thinking

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Summary: A moment between Buffy and Xander leads to disaster.  
**_Rating:_** PG   
**_Disclaimer:_** All BtVS characters mentioned belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy et al.   
**_Spoilers:_** None  
**_Author's Notes:_**

This story is a follow up to Wicked Raygun's 'Disbelief' (which can be found at Fanfiction.net here) and if you don't read it (**although you should**), then it's around the premise that Buffy wakes up after having slept with Xander, but it's not all sweetness and roses, especially on Xander's part. Alternates between Xander and Buffy's POV. Set at what would be the beginning of Season 6. Not really any spoilers. British spelling. *_*'s indicate word emphasis and //_//'s indicate direct character thoughts. ****

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Welcome to the world of Xander Harris.

Currently you join us in a moment of complete and utter incredulity for our hero who is having a hard time in believing in what he has gone and gotten his stupid, dumb ass into this time.

Yup. That sounds like a pretty damn good introduction for the pit of despair that my life has gone and thrown itself into head first. And I'm pretty sure no one's going to throw me a rope anytime soon so I can haul my sorry ass up.

I can tell you now that it's not going to be a certain blonde slayer.

I have no idea what I was thinking.

No. I really don't.

I just damn well can't remember.

Much.

I know I'd been drunk. OK, quite drunk. I'm actually surprised anyone managed to get any kind of performance out of me at all. And I still have a hangover, although I don't think all of the headache I have corresponds to the alcohol I consumed.

What I do remember, I don't really want to.

My memory of last night has blank bits, blurry bits and horribly clear and very detailed bits. There are a lot of blank bits. A hell of a lot. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not. Maybe it's a good idea that I don't know exactly what happened because that way I can blame my inebriated state for the position I found myself. Or apparently positions in the plural as the horribly clear and detailed bits of my memory will adhere to.

Oh God, I'm never going to be able to look Buffy in the face again.

But that night's adventures and my inebriated state aside... I sure as hell remembered waking up.

Waking up to a very naked Buffy draped over you - *that* you remember.

And the only reason Buffy would've ended up in bed with me and doing what we'd quite obviously been doing, was that she had to have been as drunk as I'd been. No way could I have forced her; she would have kicked my ass from here to the end of the State let alone the block.

So I panicked and I pushed her away and told myself as I did so that this wasn't happening - it couldn't be happening - and that I hadn't just slept with my best friend in a moment of immense galactic stupidity.

I was out of her bed, her room and her house quicker than I'd been out of anywhere in my life.

This is why I'm now sitting in my apartment so very close to tears.

Like I said. Welcome to my world.

It sucks.

-------------------

Crying hurts. 

I'd like to say I'd forgotten how crying this much makes you feel ill, how it makes you ache right down to your bones. Unfortunately, some of my memories of feeling like this are still lurking in my head.

I hope Dawn doesn't hear me. I don't think I could deal with her questions. How do I explain to my sister that the man I'm falling - OK, fallen - in love with, pushed me away a moment after he laid eyes on me?

And I can still smell him, can still smell *us*, on the bed. In a slightly gross kinda way, it's sort of comforting.

Wait. No it's not. 

It reminds me about what I'm missing. Reminds me about what I could have had if maybe I'd gone about things a little differently; approached him through a different route.

Reminds me of what I've gone and lost.

But... I can still smell him.

So I'm still crying.

-------------------

I couldn't stay sitting in my apartment forever, but I wasn't in any rush to go back to Buffy's either. So this is why I'm now walking around downtown Sunnydale, hoping that the fresh air will seep into my system and clear some of the cobwebs out.

Of course starting to think clearly means that I'm not just thinking about last night, I'm now thinking about the days and weeks beforehand that hold clues as to why I would've considered sleeping with Buffy in the first place.

We spent the whole summer living in each other's pockets. Whenever we weren't working we were usually together - with Willow halfway across the world, we seemed to need each other more to fill the void. I spent many an evening at her house; if I'd gone with her on patrol, we'd stay up and just talk into the wee small hours. Usually, though, I watched videos with her and Dawn, and on times we were alone there was the odd occasion we dozed off together on the couch. But for either of those times, I always got offered hot chocolate and the spare room.

Then there was the whole sharing misery thing; we'd spent a lot of time on that, again talking into the early morning sometimes. We talked and listened to each other while we bemoaned our crappy love lives. Buffy helped me come to terms with the Anya situation, mainly in the fact that it was over and I needed to get on with my life because that's exactly what she, Buffy that is, was trying to do after the whole Spike fiasco. Granted some of the Spike stuff I didn't really want to hear but I shut up and I listened 'cos that's what friends do.

I guess it just hit me over time. I'd be at work and find myself smiling at something that she said or done the day before and I'd realise that I was missing her. And not in a 'just friends' kinda way. I tried to ignore it; hope that it was just a phase and that it would just go away. 

It didn't.

I could see Buffy becoming her old self; she was stronger, brighter... just more alive. And I knew I'd helped do that and I wanted to keep on helping because it made me feel more alive too.

I was falling for her all over again.

It sounds so simple doesn't it? How weird is it that that one sentence can change so much about your life?

Oh Christ, I have to stop thinking like this; I'm gonna give myself a bigger headache.

I think I need to keep walking.

-------------------

I've just remembered that Dawn isn't here; she's staying over at a friends. Probably a good thing considering the noise Xander and I made last night. But I guess it doesn't matter now anyway because I've stopped crying. And I've passed that stage where I'm just staring through things just so I don't have to engage my brain in any higher function apart from remembering to breathe.

I'm now at the stage where the normal things around me are starting to catch up. I've just realised that I've got laundry to do and there's the dishes left over from yesterday still in the sink.

So I push last nights memories to the back of my mind and I get up, get showered, brush my teeth and get dressed. Then I go downstairs, feeling a little blank, a little empty. Just going through the motions; enough so I can function without really having to think about anything except if I'm putting the right amount of detergent in.

Hmm. I seem to have been here before.

-------------------

OK, I've just established that deep introspection and walking are not a good combination, having almost walked out infront of a bus and been very nearly smooshed. 

Nothing like a brush with death to give you some clarity.

Clarity like realising I'm appalled with myself for how I behaved this morning. I just cannot believe I ran out the way I did; just leaving her there like that without saying a word. Hell, the least I could've said was 'hey.'

Crap.

I'm gonna have to go back. I *have* to talk to her. Even if we just end up shouting at each other, it'll be something; at least getting somewhere near putting some damn closure on all this so I don't spend the rest of my life pretending that I'm not crying in my apartment or wandering around and stepping into oncoming traffic.

-------------------

I seem to have taken a step backwards. I'm now sitting here staring at the weapons box he made me for my birthday last year.

It's the little things, isn't it?

I think I'll just sit here and look at it for a while and feel sorry for myself.

I think today will be a long one.

Or maybe it won't.

Because now there's someone at the door. Don't they know I'm supposed to be brooding?

This had better be... Oh. 

Xander.

Oh God. I'm not ready for this. No way in hell am I ready for this.

One of us should probably say something. Standing and just staring at each other is not accomplishing anything.

Of course we both seem to bite the bullet at the same time.

"We need to talk."

===

**__**

continued in 'Talking'


	2. Talking

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Talking

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Sequel to: Thinking  
_Summary:_ When it's time to face the music.  
**_Rating:_** PG13  
**_Disclaimer:_** All BtVS characters mentioned belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy et al.   
**_Spoilers:_** None  
**_Author's Notes:_**

British spelling. *_*'s indicate word emphasis and //_//'s indicate direct character thoughts. This is *not* the version I posted to the BX_Fanfic mailing list - this is a revised version. 

===================

"We need to talk."

Xander hovered back from the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets. He shifted awkwardly from one foot to another and cast his gaze downwards briefly before looking back up at Buffy. "Can I come in?"

Buffy stared back at him for a moment before nodding silently, stepping aside to allow him past.

After the door clicked closed behind him, Xander stopped and turned to face Buffy. She stood just as awkwardly as he was and Xander noted that now she was standing in a different light he could see that she'd been crying. Cursing himself, Xander swallowed hard and then took a deep breath. "About last night-"

"I know," Buffy cut in on him. She hugged her arms around herself and walked into the sitting room. "It shouldn't have happened. I get that."

For a moment Xander just stared at where she'd just stood before following after her. "Well, I don't."

Buffy turned. Her brows furrowed a little as she studied his face, puzzled as to why she saw her confusion mirrored in Xander's expression along with what looked like guilt. It certainly wasn't the look of horror she'd seen on his face than morning.

"Don't what?" she asked quietly.

"Don't get it," Xander replied. "I mean, I know *what* happened, I just don't know..." he trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair, wondering if maybe he should have practised some of this before he'd knocked on the door. Xander sighed and continued. "I just don't remember all that well... I just don't know *why* a-and this morning... this morning was not one of my finest moments, I know that, but I just wanted to say that I-I'm sorry, OK? I shouldn't have just run out like that. I mean I should have said something but I just wasn't thinking straight a-and it was a bit of a shock, y'know? And... and..." Xander groaned, "Oh hell." He sank down onto the couch and closed his eyes, hanging his head and burying his face in his hands.

Buffy sat herself down in one of the chairs opposite Xander. "Yeah. I noticed you weren't too pleased."

Xander looked up and saw Buffy with her head bowed, her fingers picking absently and the arm of the chair. "Shocked and panicky mainly," he said softly. Buffy didn't look up. "Appalled with myself for letting it happen."

Buffy winced. "Yeah. I got that too."

"I'm sorry."

Buffy blinked slowly and then looked up. She watched him carefully for a moment, then closed her eyes hoping things would be clearer when she opened them. They weren't. "You're sorry?"

Xander nodded, not noticing her perplexed look as he stood up and began to pace. "I was all liquored up and-and like I said, I wasn't thinking straight."

"Oh." Buffy hung her head again. "That kinda sorry. I see we're back to appalled."

"I know. It shouldn't have happened. We're friends and we took it too far-" Xander stopped as he looked back at Buffy, noticing that her shoulders were shaking a little. Xander took step closer so he could see her face more clearly and he took a double take when he saw that she was crying.

Xander hesitated then took another step forward. "Buff?"

Buffy turned her head away from him. "You've made your point, OK?"

"Buffy..." Xander crouched down infront of her. She still refused to look at him so he took hold of her arms. "Buffy, hey..."

"Just go, Xander." Buffy finally looked up at him, her face becoming streaked with tears. She pushed his hands away. "Just go."

"Buffy-"

"Go." Buffy stood up and Xander had to move back. "I'm sorry. I know how I acted was wrong, OK?" She began wiping her tears. "I don't need to be told."

"Buffy," Xander followed after her as she began to walk away, "We were both drinking and we both acted wrong-" Xander stopped as Buffy suddenly turned and fixed him with a stare.

"I wasn't drunk." Buffy's voice was steady, even as confusion began to fill her eyes. "I knew *exactly* what I was doing."

Xander stared back at her. "But I thought... you mean you weren't-"

"No," Buffy replied, although now suddenly feeling like she did need a drink. She moved into the kitchen, sitting herself on one of the stools. Buffy looked back in disbelief to Xander who stayed standing in the hallway. "You... you thought I was?" 

"Well, why else..." Xander's expression was one of utter confusion. "I mean... huh?"

Buffy just nodded slowly in agreement. "That's pretty much where I am."

Xander just continued to look bewildered as he finally joined her, sitting on the stool beside her. "I think I'm back where I started."

After a few moments silence, Buffy turned to him. "Where did you start?" she asked softly.

Xander dragged his fingers through his hair and then ended up rubbing his forehead. He sighed. "Round about the point where it was all my fault." Xander looked back at her. "You?"

"The same," Buffy replied softly. She dropped her gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Don't. 'Cos now we're both back to where neither one of us is sure what the other is apologising for."

"No. You're wrong." Buffy looked back up at him. "You're apologising because you *think* you took advantage of me and I'm apologising because I *know* I shouldn't have let things get out of hand." She got off the stool and stood infront of him. "Xander, do you honestly think you could have had your way with me if I didn't want anything to do with you?" Buffy began to sound exasperated. "Do you think you would have *even* tried? Even drunk you're not that much of an asshole. Things just started happening and I wanted them to keep happening. *Me*. Didn't you hear me earlier? I knew exactly what I was doing." Her expression then softened as she then added quietly, "And who."

Xander just stared at her, too stunned to say anything. Buffy took a deep breath to try and gather her nerves again and ignored the part of herself that wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. "I thought that last night was something we both wanted," Buffy continued. "I know I didn't make you do it, but I didn't stop it either and I'm *sorry*." Buffy took another breath, trying to quell her tears. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I j-just wanted... I just..."

Xander just watched as Buffy crumpled against the wall and slid down to the floor, her tears flowing openly. Xander tried to kick start his brain to get himself to something, *anything*, but it had been going a mile a minute since he'd discovered that last night was not all it had seemed and he couldn't quite grasp anything that was ricocheting around in his head. Finally, after a couple of false starts, he managed to engage enough to get himself off the stool and sat down on the floor next to her.

"Y'know, I have absolutely no idea what to say." Xander leant back against the counter behind him. "I get the feeling that I should be saying something profound, something, anything, just one word even that can clear this whole mess up... but I just can't. It's not there."

Buffy glanced at him but didn't say anything,

Xander closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. "And here I was thinking our love lives couldn't get any worse." He groaned with a shudder and let his hands fall into his lap. "Now it's like there's a whole other level."

"Yup. 'Bing'. Score with Xander and you can enter the 'Everyone hates Buffy' level-" A choked sob caught in Buffy's throat as she spoke, "-But sorry folks you *ain't* gonna get a prize."

"Buffy, I don't hate you-"

"Yeah, well, *I* hate me," she shot back, choking back another sob. "I'm sor-"

"Would you stop that!" Xander demanded. "Fine, you're sorry. I *get* it, OK?" He sighed. "Jesus, Buffy, I didn't think anyone could rival me for self-pity after I jilted Anya, but you're really catching me up here." Xander looked at her firmly. "And, OK, so what you did wasn't fair and you should have stopped it, but y'know, that's pretty much all I can say on the subject 'cos I still don't know exactly what happened to make us end up in bed in the first place. I remember *some* stuff," he added, "I have this blurry image of me and you fooling around on the stairs and then some clearer images of us in bed when I found out just exactly how much you can bend-"

"You complained about your mattress."

Xander stopped as Buffy talked over him and blinked at her. "My what?"

Buffy sniffled undelicately. "Mattress," she repeated. "You'd turned up on my doorstep from drinking with the guys and asked if I'd make you hot chocolate and I did and we were just talking and stuff and it was late and I said you could stay in the spare room." Buffy paused while she tried to control her tears. "You said you'd rather stay on the couch 'cos the spare mattress was too hard. I joked that mine was just fine, but you couldn't share and you then asked why not." Buffy sniffed again. "I said that you snored and you'd only end up stealing the covers and you said that at least your feet weren't cold and-and we just kept flirting and then we were so close and we kissed and it was only quick and you looked shocked for a moment and I guess I was too, but we did it again and it just felt so right to be doing that with you that I didn't want it to stop so we kept doing it and things got heavier and I don't think I should tell you what we were doing on the stairs."

Xander just stared at her as Buffy caught up with her breathing. "Ookaay," he said slowly, "I guess I did ask..." He trailed off, closing his eyes and he rubbed his forehead. "Oh God. Why do we end up doing this to ourselves?"

A mirthless chuckle escaped Buffy. "Yeah. Didn't I just pick the perfect time to tell you how I feel."

Xander looked up at her from where his face was buried in his hands. "Just peachy." He groaned and sank back against the counter. "You couldn't have told me before?"

Buffy used the heel of her palm to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Oh yeah," she said bitterly. "I tell you I'm falling in love with you because maybe I'm hoping that there's even still the slightest glimmer of those feelings you had for me in high school. I think we've just discovered that that's not the best idea in the world." Buffy sniffled. "Xander, you had to be drunk to sleep with me for God's sake."

There was a scuffling noise on the linoleum and Buffy looked up to see Xander getting to his feet. He looked down at her, emotions washing over his face, as he seemed to be struggling for something to say. Then, as suddenly as he'd gotten up, Xander turned on his heel and went out through the back door.

Buffy watched the door click softly shut behind him and the tears she was so desperately trying to stop flowed freely once more.

-------------------

Xander needed air; he needed to think. He stood out on the porch, only realising his hands were shaking as he ran them through his hair. He took a deep breath and then sat down on the back steps. Xander didn't have to look back into the house to know that Buffy was crying. He could hear her. But he couldn't be in there right now; Buffy had literally blown him right out of the water and he was floundering around on the brink without a damn clue as to what he was supposed to do now.

Now Buffy had shared her version of last night's events, he felt hurt that she been selfish and not taken his feelings into consideration and if Buffy had the feelings for him that she said, why hadn't she told him before? Why hadn't she told him when he could have replied in complete sobriety just exactly how he felt in reply? All Buffy was likely to have gotten last night was a misplaced drunken pledge of affection.

Mumbling, Xander echoed Buffy's last words to him. "She thinks I'd have to be drunk to sleep with her."

Lying on his back, Xander closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. Of course one could argue now that he could have told Buffy how he felt. You could argue that really well. It wasn't like he hadn't had the chance. Of course it was also always at the back of his mind that he'd just get the 'I just wanna be friends' speech, which was why he hadn't said anything.

Sighing, he opened his eyes and stared ceiling of the porch. A momentary idle thought that he should probably get around to cleaning it soon, caused him to sit upright.

Was he even going to get to come here again?

This place, these steps he was sitting on, were all part of something he'd never really had. He'd felt like he belonged, that somebody wanted him, *needed* him here. And if for just one moment he could be really honest with himself, then his heart was here too. And, right now, she was inside crying.

Xander stood up and turned back to the house because despite the hurt he was feeling, he knew that there was something worth saving.

-------------------

Tears flowing silently now, Buffy glanced up at him as he walked back in. "What? Are you some sort of glutton for punishment?"

"You'd think that sometimes wouldn't you?" Xander stood only a few feet infront of her. "I have tendency to let people walk all over me."

Buffy lowered her eyes then realised after a moment that he hadn't spoken with malice. She looked up, about to apologise before she realised how Xander had reacted last time. Buffy sighed shakily. "So, you're just gonna go now?" she said instead.

Xander shook his head. "Not until you've heard what I've got to say."

Buffy hugged her knees up to her chest as Xander began to pace infront o her. "OK," she said in a small voice. "Do your worst."

Xander gave her a pained look and seemed to be having second thoughts before he expression turned to one of resolve and he took a deep breath. "You were wrong," he began firmly. "You acted selfishly, you were inconsiderate. I mean, did you even think how things would turn out in the morning?"

"I thought-"

"I wasn't finished," Xander said quickly, then winced when he saw Buffy flinch. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just if I don't get this all out in one go it may never get said." He waited for anything from Buffy, but she stayed silent. Xander carried on. "You were the one in control and you screwed up. You *hurt* me, Buffy. I'm *still* hurt. You made me feel as if I'd done something wrong when the only thing I can think I'm guilty for was for acting like an asshole this morning." His voice began to rise and became thicker with emotion. "And d'ya wanna know why I acted like an asshole? Because when I woke up and saw you I just knew what happened and the only explanation I could come up with for myself was that you had to have been drunk too because that the only way *you* would've slept with *me*!"

That threw Buffy and she stared at him, dumbfounded. "Huh?"

Slumping back against the counter, Xander swallowed hard and ran a still shaking hand through his hair. "You know, I don't think how you acted was smart." He smiled ruefully, "But at least you should get some kind of kudos here for being the only one who acted on their feelings." Xander took a deep breath. "You think I wouldn't want you? You think I *still* don't want you?" He looked at her incredulously. "Buffy, these last few weeks I've gone to bed wishing you *were* there with me." He stood up and met Buffy's sceptical, almost astonished gaze. "I *dream* about you. I spend my day *thinking* about you. I daren't use the nail gun at work anymore because I nearly ended up with an interesting new piercing, all because I was concentrating more on remembering something silly you'd said the day before."

As Xander spoke, Buffy couldn't think of anything else to do but stare at him. Was he really saying that at least some portion of her feelings for him were returned? She swallowed hard and forced back her tears. "So... last night-"

"Was a mistake," Xander cut in on her. "Don't forget that."

Buffy looked down at the floor, subdued. "Yeah. You'd think I'd've got that by now."

"Buffy..." Xander trailed off as she looked back up at him and for a moment he forgot what he was trying to say as he got drawn into her gaze. Slowly he went over and sat down on the floor opposite her. He sighed softly. "But I guess what I'm also trying to say is, is that if something was going to happen between us, then it shouldn't have happened like that. It should have happened on both our terms."

Buffy looked at him for a few moments in silence, running what he'd just said through her head. "So... what you're saying," she said finally, the confusion having also stopped her tears for the moment, "... You're saying you wouldn't have minded last night happening... if it had been under different circumstances?"

To Buffy's surprise Xander looked embarrassed. He fidgeted awkwardly as he spoke. "Well, yeah. In a nutshell," he replied. "A sober shell."

Buffy blinked and then suddenly the situation got to be too absurd for her and she let out a strangled laugh. She clamped a hand over her mouth and mumbled an, "I'm sorry," as she tried to hold back another laugh. "It's just-"

As another giggle escaped Buffy, and despite his best efforts to stay serious, a smile started to twitch at the corners of Xander's mouth. "How do we end up doing this to ourselves?"

"You said that already," Buffy pointed out, trying to swallow another laugh.

"I did, didn't I?" Xander closed his eyes and groaned. "Ohh we're so pathetic."

"Uh huh." Buffy tried to smother another laugh but ended up snorting loudly instead which caused her to collapse into giggles. "I like you and you like me a-and we couldn't tell-tell each o-other." She wrapped an arm around her stomach as she laughed. "O-oh this really isn't funny, you know."

Buffy's giggles were infectious and Xander snickered loudly. "I know."

"Oh God..." Buffy took a couple of deep breaths between laughs in order to try and calm herself down. "Oh God, we really are idiots, aren't we?"

Still sniggering, Xander grabbed Buffy's arm as she started to slide to the floor. "Well I reserve the right to say you're a bigger one than me."

"Oh definitely," Buffy giggled. 

As Xander pulled her upright, Buffy's eyes locked onto his and her laughter began to fade as she found herself unable to look away from his gaze. She swallowed hard when Xander hesitantly reached and tucked some of her hair back behind her ear. 

Feeling that spark of something she'd been desperately hanging onto as his fingers brushed against her cheek, Buffy swallowed again and caught his hand before he pulled it back. "So you really like me?"

Xander curled his fingers around hers gently and smiled. "I've kinda fallen for you pretty hard Buffy Summers." 

Buffy's heart caught in her throat at his words and a smile began to flicker slowly back onto her face. "Me too. I-I mean," she added falteringly, flashing him a shy smile, "For you." Her smile then turned warmer and fonder. "Really hard."

Xander's gaze locked onto hers again and he took hold of her free hand with his. "So what do we do about it?"

Buffy looked at him, feeling both nervous and hopeful and she saw her expression reflected back at her. "What do you want to do?"

Xander took a breath and exhaled slowly. "I wanna start again," he replied, then added when Buffy looked a little confused, "I want us to start again. Properly."

"Properly?" Buffy tried not to notice that she and Xander were slowly, but surely drifting closer to each other. "So... OK, um, does this mean then," she began awkwardly, "You won't object to me taking you on a, y'know, date tonight?"

Xander blinked then smiled. "Will I get chocolate and flowers?"

Buffy returned the smile. "I'll even walk you home." Her smile then faltered a little as she started to back pedal. "I-I mean, I'm not, y'know, saying though that-that a-anything has to happen, I mean after all it's still Sunnydmmph-"

Buffy was silenced by Xander placing his finger against her lips. "Hey. I'm supposed to be the one that babbles," he told her, giving her a lopsided grin as he dropped his finger. "But, yeah," he continued. "You can walk me home."

Buffy smiled in reply, but there was a serious note to her tone. "And I promise there won't be any funny stuff."

"Oh I don't know," Xander replied softly, his gaze flickering across her features before finally locking onto her eyes. "I think I can probably stretch to a goodnight kiss."

"Really?" Buffy couldn't pull herself from Xander's gaze and their eyes stayed locked on to each other as they drifted closer together. "Well, I think I can... stretch to that too..."

They continued to drift closer, eyelids fluttering shut as their lips finally met. They kissed tentatively at first, lips gingerly testing and teasing each other before becoming firmer as Xander slid his hand up across Buffy's head and into her hair, cupping her head and pulling her closer. Buffy moaned softly into the kiss as she tangled her own fingers into Xander's hair and her mouth parted when she felt Xander's tongue flick out across her lower lip. Xander took the invite and the kiss deepened and the soft touches and caresses with fingers and hands became firmer and more assertive in the places they went.

Eventually they began to ease down, kisses becoming slower and less eager until they both finally drew away from each other, although only barely, Buffy finding that at some point she'd crawled into Xander's lap. She went to move but Xander held onto her waist stopping her.

"Stay," he said softly. As Buffy smiled shyly and settled back down, Xander reached up with one hand and wiped away the last of her drying tear stains. "I just got you... I'm not letting you go just yet."

Buffy felt the tears beginning to prick again as Xander was wiping the last ones away. "You really want to do this don't you? You really want an us?"

Xander sighed with a smile. "Yeah." He dipped forward and brushed her lips across her's briefly. "I do."

Smiling from the kiss, Buffy took his hand and squeezed it softly. "Then let's make this work."

Xander threaded his fingers into hers. "Us."

Buffy kept smiling as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Us."

****

**END**


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